Friday, 11 May 2018

Please Caesar, I need your advise on this: 

I was just on my own and this lady came and asked me out. She told me she loves me. I later started having feelings for her and we started dating. I later discovered that she has another boyfriend even before me, and she is living with him. I confronted her and she told me she doesn't love him, and that I should give her more time to leave him. But recently, I couldn't continue with the arrangement, I told her to chose between I and the guy, and she agreed to leave him. She left his place and came to my place with her properties. On the same day she came to stay with me, the other guy she was living with came and took her things back to his house, she couldn't do much to stop him. She followed him back to his house, and still stays with him, but she keeps calling and asking me to give her more time. During the time he came to take her back to his house, the guy was so vocal, he even said it to my hearing that he was the one taking care of the girl's education and all her financial needs. 

Please, I need your advise. She is currently with him and still don't want to let me be. Thank you.

My response:
This lady is not serious, even one bit. She is the type that hates to take responsibility. She is the type that sees love as a price to pay for a favor. 

Now, from my observation, she is staying with the other guy, not because she loves him but because he is taking care of her financial needs. 

Also, I noticed that she can't make a decision for herself because she belives she have collected or received too much favor from the first guy that it is not morally okay for her to leave him, in other words, she seems caged to him, and she may go ahead to marry him in this sequence. This will only amount to great pains if she ever does. 

I always say this, don't collect from someone to the extent that you will feel caged to him/her and can't leave him/her tomorrow if you have a good reason to. Don't give to the extent that you will feel like killing yourself or as if the world is over for you if they want to leave you tomorrow. 

Now, she wants to leave his house and come to your house, and transfer all those responsibilities to you. This is not how love should be. She doesn't want to help herself. Must she be dependent on people who are not her relatives? Must you become responsible for her just because you are in a relationship with her? What happens to her parents and relatives? You have to know what you are trying to get yourself into. 

From the chat I had with you, I don't think you can take that responsibility now, and even if you can, such a lady may not be best for you. I advise you let her be. If she wants to leave that guy (which is the wise thing to do), she should go back to her parents house and stop trading her love for financial assistance. Only after these, shall you continue a relationship with her. She has a lot to gain from leaving that guy.
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